Chuck Stecker

              It was Spring in 1994 when I heard those words. Our family was preparing for a new season in our lives. Our years serving our nation in the US Army were coming to a close and we were preparing to move back to the United States from our last assignment in Rome, Italy.

             I had been involved in coaching our sons in soccer and other sports for most of their lives. Our sons were 12 and 10 years old.

            As we rode and talked about our new beginning, our oldest son, Chad, asked, “Dad, when we get back to the United States, will you still be our soccer coach?”

            That was certainly a sobering moment!

             There was truth in Courtney’s words. Our sons had come to a point in soccer where my knowledge and skills were not enough to continue to take them to the next level. They needed more from a coach than I could offer.

            However,  my role as their mentor was just beginning.

             Dr Edwin Louis Cole was one of the most remarkable men I have known and had the privilege of hearing. At this point Dr. Cole is celebrating in heaven. One of my favorite “Coleisms” was a statement I heard him make on more than one occasion:

 “Often a man’s gifts will take him to a level that his character can’t support.”

             At the moment of truth so kindly blurted out by our youngest son, I came to realize that my biggest role was to become our son’s mentor. My primary responsibility was to focus on the character to support the gifts and find others to continue to develop the gifts.

            Both our sons have gone on to play soccer at levels my coaching could never have taken them. My responsibility to continue to shape the character to support the gifts is more important now than it has even been.

            As dads and men, we must recognize the moments when our children need more from coaching than we can offer in an area and accept a greater role as the primary mentor in that area of their life.

            This is also very true in relationships I have with other men. I have needed to recognize the moments when my greatest gift to a friend is to introduce them to a person who has the skill set to coach them beyond any level I could take them and realize that my role as a mentor is even more important and their skills are honed.  

           As I continue to tell my own kids and friends, my primary responsibility is to help them to have the character to support their gifts so they do not arrive at a point in life where their gifts have taken them to a place their character cannot support.